“Why is it,” he said, one time, at the subway entrance, “I feel I’ve known you so many years?”
“Because I like you,” she said, “and I don’t want anything from you.”
Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451
If I think I need a relationship in order to be complete, then by definition, I am seeing myself as incomplete. The world is guaranteed to see me as I see myself and to respond to me as I call upon it to respond. Seeing me as incomplete, it will give me an incomplete experience of life.
And the people I draw to myself as partners will be people who are drawn to an incomplete person. They will see in me someone who needs to be completed and present themselves as the one who can do it, in exchange for me being for them the same–their means of completion.
It’s easy to see how this will play out. Everything might be hunky-dory for awhile, until both parties begin to notice they no longer are feeling fulfilled by the other (because no matter how good it might have felt in the beginning, it’s going to wear off); and, noticing this lack of fulfillment, we’ll either start demanding more from our partner, or torturing our partner for withholding what we need; or we might begin looking elsewhere for the true love of our life, because obviously I made a mistake thinking it was this one.
Completion, wholeness, is available only within–in our relationship to our true Self. We find this relationship by sitting in meditation and transcending our surface experience of life. Twice each day we drop into this place of the Truth of our Being, the place of fulfillment, and we begin to know ourselves as this fulfillment–perfect, whole, and complete; and as we live more and more from this place of wholeness, the universe will begin to see us more and more as this wholeness, and bring to us someone else who is fulfilled, who is whole. Someone who is an ideal reflection of the fulfillment that we are.
When two fulfilled people come together there is an opportunity for something beyond an experience of taking turns with our neediness. There is an opportunity for love.
Today I will approach every relationship in my life asking what can I give, rather than what can I get, knowing that by giving, I am defining myself as fulfillment, and the universe will begin to see me that way, too.
Two Chairs, Studio City, CA
All original material copyright © 2018 Jeff Kober