21 Dec Negative Thinking and The Holidays – December 22 2020
The highest revelation is that God is in every man.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
During the holidays there can be a tendency to feel less than our best, a tendency to ask questions that have no easy answers. What’s it all about? Have I wasted my life? Did I miss my shot – at love, career, success? Why should I even get out of bed this morning? This (life) has been going on long enough. Can’t I just leave now?
We all have our own version of negative interior dialogue. And at this time of year, it can grow loud. Perhaps this year more than any in recent memory, there is so much negativity to reference.
As well, we naturally compare this holiday with every other holiday we’ve experienced, and with the perfect holiday of our imagination that happens for others, but maybe never for us.
We may find ourselves beset with wistfulness, longing, loneliness or despair; then we take these feelings out into the world and compare the way it feels to be me with how it seems to be you – comparing our insides with the apparent outsides of others – and coming up short. Which can lead to more feelings of guilt, sadness, fear and anger.
All of this tumbling together in our mind, and then the world makes its demands on us: to be an employee or an employer, a parent or a child, a partner, spouse, lover, etc. To buy groceries, buy presents, plan parties, answer email, drive across town, be one among many in crowds and traffic and everyone else wrapped up in their own drama.
It can be exhausting.
At times like this it’s important to remember that our thinking is not the place to go for comfort or for guidance. Most of the thoughts we have in the midst of a stressful time are merely the mind’s best guess as to why we are feeling the way we’re feeling. You feel bad? Well of course you feel bad. You are bad (says the mind). Or, the world is bad. Life – your life – is not worth living. And here’s why… On and on ad nauseum
As meditators we know to name all of this negativity as ‘stress release;’ for nature does not think this way to itself, ever. Nature does not wish to end itself. It never discounts the worthiness of life, the worthiness of the world, the worthiness of Self. Nature does not tell me No. It does not tell me Stop or End It All. Its message always is: Live. Evolve. Grow. Expand.
When I have negative thoughts and feelings like this, I remind myself that nature is freeing me of stresses I’ve been gathering all my life from every overwhelming experience I’ve ever had. I remind myself simply to observe the thoughts without letting myself be defined by them. Feel the feelings without having to know why I’m having them. Let them flow through my body without having to name them or understand them or hide from them or fix them. Feel them to their depth, knowing that they will change. There will be an end to them. They will pass. And when they have passed, I will be lighter, more present, and have even more of myself available to bring to my life.
The Veda says there is only one thing. Call it consciousness, call it nature, call it God. There is one thing and I am that one thing. It’s not possible for me to be the exception to life, to be the one who doesn’t belong, who doesn’t deserve. There is one thing and it wants only what is best for Itself. Wants only the best life for me. When I listen for its voice, in myself and in the world around me, it lets me know with each moment in what direction this best life lies.
The voice of doom and despair, or the voice of life? Which voice am I going to listen to today?
Today I will remind myself that my thoughts do not always have my best interests at heart, but that God always does. I will remember that I have an assignment – to express and enjoy life in my own unique way – and when I am present to something other than my thoughts, that way will begin to become clear.