21 Nov Relationship Reminders for the Holidays – November 22 2018
Posted at 21:00h in Daily Thoughts
You know they say ‘in this life you have to perfect one human relationship in order to really love God.’ You practice loving God by loving another human, and by giving unconditional love.
It is now officially the holiday season, and the pressure is on:
- to fulfill the expectations of our loved ones. .
- to be happy in spite of it all.
- The pressure not to fall into seasonal despair.
- And for our kids, the pressure to do it better than our parents did.
Pressure leads to upset. Upset often leads to ‘acting out.’
Given that when we act out our upsets, it’s usually on those closest to us, it seems an appropriate time to be reminded of some of the things we can learn from the Veda about relationships:
- A relationship is not a place we go for fulfillment; rather, a relationship is a showcase for the fulfillment we are. If I am needy, my relationship will showcase my neediness. If I am fulfilled and happy, my relationship will be a showcase for my happiness and fulfillment.
- All happiness is Self-referral happiness. In order to be happy, we must go within and experience the fulfillment and happiness we are in our least-excited state. (This, of course, is meditation.) If we do this, we will have an opportunity to be with our partner/lover/husband/wife and be able to see what they have, rather than what they don’t have; seeing what they are, rather than what they are not.
- The measure of love is the willingness to surrender preferences. To what extent am I willing to surrender my preferences in favor of the preferences of my partner, and to do so gracefully and without resentment?
- When I find myself wanting something from my partner, this is my cue to give them what I want them to give me. If I want touching and affection, give touching and affection. If I want attention, give attention. I may find that this giving causes me to have the good feeling I wanted from the getting.
- In line with Number 4, it can help to think that I am giving to the relationship itself, rather than to the other. The relationship is a separate entity from the two of us. It requires attention. When I give attention, this is what I am giving attention to–this relationship. If we attend to the relationship, then when it is appropriate, the relationship will be there to attend to us.
- What we all are looking for is flow. This flow of energy that moves between the two of us. The flow of consciousness. Like all energy, what is necessary for flow to occur is a positive pole and a negative pole. There must be that place from which the flow arises and that place to which it flows. If I want to have this flow, it must begin with me. I have no control over my partner. I always have to choice to give of myself to the other.
- If I choose to love, to give, to attend to, it must not be in order to receive in kind. It must be for fun and for free. I don’t get to keep score.
- Finally, all change and growth must happen within me. I can insist always is to correct my thinking to remember that I am fulfillment, that I have enough and more than enough, always. And that by being connected to the truth of spirit within, I can give without end. All love flows to the Self.
There is only one thing. I am that one thing. If love is going to happen in any situation, that love must come from me. It must begin with me.
I am That. Thou art That. All this is nothing but That.
Today I will seek to give what I wish to receive, to love rather than to be loved, to recognize the good in everyone I meet, to go beyond what I think I am capable of in letting the people in my life off the hook when they don’t do it the way I think they should do it.
Lovers and Lampposts, Los Angeles CA